asexuality
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What is Asexuality?
Asexuality is a sexual orientation; those who identify as asexual or are on the asexual spectrum experience little to no sexual attraction.
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Being asexual does not equate to celibacy; it is not a fear of commitment and relationships; nor does it mean someone is scared or repulsed by sex. While some asexuals may be sex-repulsed, it is not a defining trait of asexuality.
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Asexuality can be an umbrella term for anyone with a lack of sexual attraction!
Just as with any other sexuality, asexuality is a spectrum, often referred to as the asexual spectrum or aspec.
Under the asexual spectrum are sexualities such as demisexuality and greysexuality.
the asexual umbrella
Greysexuality
Grey-Ace
Sexuality isn't black and white! Those who identify as greysexual are in the grey area between asexual and allosexual (anyone who experiences sexual attraction).
Some may identify as greysexual as they:
occasionally experience sexual attraction but largely don't
experience infrequent sexual attraction (may or may not be in specific circumstances)
feel alienated from sexual attraction
otherwise relate to aspects of asexuality, even if it isn't a perfect fit
more resources!
Asexuality wiki
LGBTA wiki
Asexual Visibility and Education Network (Forum questions)
WebMD
Subreddit
Demisexuality
Someone who is demisexual does not experience sexual attraction until they have formed a deep emotional connection with a person, whether that be romantic, platonic or any other type of connection.
Demisexuals do not chose to abstain from sexual activity until they know the person better, but are unable to feel sexual attraction until they have formed that bond.
Some may identify as demisexual if:
they develop feelings for close friends
don't get celebrity crushes or shortlived crushes on strangers
more resources!
Asexuality wiki
LGBTA wiki
abc.net.au
Demisexuality Reddit Masterpost
Subreddit
If you feel like you're on the ace spectrum and none of these labels speak to you, that's completely fine! If you're still figuring it out or if that's what you're most comfortable with, a lot of people just label themselves as aspec or asexual. If you don't want to put a label on it at all, you're still so valid!
the split attraction model
A lot of asexuals also lack romantic attraction and identify as aromantic. However, aspecs can still experience romantic attraction
The Split Attraction Model (SAM) splits sexual and romantic attraction as two separate things.
Aces commonly use hetero-, homo-, bi-, and pan- (or anything else they may identify as!) in front of the word romantic to describe who they experience romantic attraction to. For example, a person who is homo-romantic might be attracted to people of the same gender, but not in a sexual way.
more resources!
LGBTA wiki)
The Trevor Project
am i asexual?
When figuring out if you're asexual, it's normal to have questions that may help you understand your feelings and sexuality.
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#1
How do I really know if I'm asexual?
Asexuality being the lack of sexual attraction, it can be confusing as it's harder to tell when you're not experiencing something. Especially in our society (even in the queer community), sex is very prevalent and a lot of things tend to be over-sexualised.
It may be hard and it may take time, but that's okay! Some people know from a young age that they are while some don’t figure it out until later. Both are completely valid!
Try asking yourself:
> Do I find people aesthetically attractive, but not want much (if anything) beyond that?
> Do you think you would 'put up' with sex because it seems like a requirement to have an intimate relationship?
> Do you feel your ideal relationship would be one that doesn't include sex?
> Have you thought of or had sex but 'not understand what all the fuss is about'?
It's okay if you don't have the answers yet, it may take time! Only you would truly know how to label yourself.
This reddit post goes into more detail if you need it! You can also check out this PDF by Advocates for Youth, it's an easy and educational read!
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#2
Can I be asexual if I'm sex favourable or have had sex?
Yes!! Asexuals are often put into three groups sex-repulsed, sex favourable, and sex-neutral. Each of these groups is equally valid and being sex favourable doesn't take away from your asexuality at all.
Asexuals are defined by lacking sexual attraction towards others. They do not find other people to be physically attractive and/or are not interested in having sex with particular people. This, however, does not mean incapable of arousal or unable to enjoy stimulation (eg. from masturbation).
Some asexuals may also engage in sex to make their partner happy, trying to conceive, being curious, etc.
Greysexuals and demisexuals may experience sexual attraction rarely or under specific circumstances. So while being on the asexuality spectrum, they may choose to engage in sex due to attraction.
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#3
Can you know you're asexual at a young age?
People are often told that just because they're younger they can't be sure that they're asexual as their bodies and minds are fully developed... but what matters is how you feel! You know yourself more than anyone else and if you want to label yourself as asexual because that's how you feel right now, then do it! Even if it might change, it might not- sexuality is fluid. You're completely valid if you choose to label yourself as asexual no matter how old you are!
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#4
Are asexuals really a part of the LGBTQ+ community if I'm asexual? Is it even a real sexuality?
Sexuality has to do with your sexual attraction- just as how someone may be attracted to multiple genders, it's equally valid to have a lack of attraction to all genders.
I can't count the amount of times I've seen people brushing asexuals off as not part of the community as they aren't oppressed or queer enough. Queerness is defined by all sexual and gender identities other than straight and cisgender! The A in LGBTQIA+ stands for asexual umbrella. Whether you are aspec, arospec, or agender, you are a part of the LGBTQIA+ community.
No matter your romantic orientation from aro-, bi- to heteromantic, you're just as much a part of the community. Even if you're heteromantic, you are a part of the LGBTQIA+, your romantic orientation does not take away from your asexuality- the A in LGBTQIA+
more resources!
The Trevor Project
Asexuality FAQ Reddit
you're so valid! thanks for joining us
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